_ How many years have you spent making New Years Resolutions?   How many times have you followed through on those resolutions for the year?  And, how often did you find yourself slipping back into your usual routine a couple months into the year? You are definitely not alone if your resolutions for the New Year tend to fade away.

The challenge is that as human beings, we also like to be comfortable and live life within a comfort zone.  This zone might actually be comfortable, or it might just be familiar, but comfortable…eh, not so much.  We’d all like to feel better, do healthier things for ourselves and make improvements in our life.  Buddhists have called this Bodhichitta, motivation towards goodness.  So, if resolutions are not the way to go, what then?

Resolutions are actually points we can use, like navigation points on a map, to point us towards a way of being that we are wanting to cultivate.  Instead of making another list of resolutions this year, create the map, draw out the picture and become very clear on the vision you want your life to be. 

Write a Vision – Start with writing out a vision for your life.  Write it as though it were happening right NOW.  Take out the “wants,”  “hope,” “will,” “should,” “maybe,” and write it as if you were already that person.  Write it out, draw it, create it in whatever way will feel the most inspiring for you.  Then, put it up in your house somewhere.  I have mine posted up above my desk in my office. 

Write a Life Statement – Every successful company has a vision and a mission statement?  Why?  Because it focuses all of their decisions, their plans and their goals and creating that vision.  Write a Life Statement for yourself about why you want this way of being for yourself, what you are doing and how you are doing it.  Again, you guessed it, place it somewhere you can easily see each day, or even in your car.

As you move through your life, you can make decisions about health, diet, exercise, work, money, relationships all from this place of asking yourself if it supports your higher vision for yourself, rather than thinking of doing something because you “should.”

Download my free New Year GIFT to you, here for some more guidelines and reflections on creating a vision for the new year. Again, you can download that FREE gift here.  Happy New Year!

_ The holidays are upon us! 

Do you find yourself saying “should” a lot these days?  Take a deep breath.  Think about the coming week, things you are doing or need to get done and notice how much does “should” arise in your mind?  At some point, do you notice yourself just “shoulding”  all over yourself?

This is what I call the Attack of the Shoulds, and one wiley way the Inner Critic rears its head in our minds, bodies and spirits.  Traveling upon the valley of the shoulds myself, I have had a few insights I’d love to share with you. 

“Shoulds” come from values, ideas or other conditioning we experienced at some other point in time in life.  We learned somewhere that there is a way one “should” be to maybe get love, or things one “should” do in order to be accepted, make money or to be happy.  These aren’t always our values, they could be if we thought though it.  But, generally these are values we took in from being raised, from our culture and from media.

“Shoulds” impact our feelings of worth, self-confidence and cause us stress, anxiety and worry.  This, of course, can take the joy and excitement about pretty much anything we want to do. 

Become mindful.  Perhaps write a short list for yourself, could start with holidays, health, love or money.  Or, if you want to explore more deeply, start a list for each of the categories in your life. 

Take some deep breaths and focus in on a particular area of life.  Now, allow any “shoulds” arise in your mind that you may associate with that area.  Write it down.  This is the first step in being mindful,  allowing these messages to become conscious.  Keep a running list as different ones come to you.

Notice.  Now that you are fostering more awareness, try to notice the moments as you are planning your holidays or your vacation, or even working on a project.  If you notice that “should,” simply notice it. Stop, and breathe.

Practice loving kindness towards yourself. Ask what would be a kind way to be with yourself right now, practice a little radical self-care.  Then, explore the should, either in a journal or in completion.  What is beneath it, where is it coming from. 

Try to replace it with “want,” or “need”  or “am inspired to…” and see how that changes how you feel, or what decision you make about what to do next, how to spend your holidays or what gifts you give!

_ Take a deep breathe...And, just for a moment, remember a time, maybe during the holidays last year, or sometime closer to the present, when you didn’t feel prepared.  Maybe you were rushing around, trying to do a million things at the last minute or staying up all night to finish a project.  As you remember this time, what did you feel like?  What do you feel in your body now as you remember?  What thoughts or feelings do you have about yourself and the world?

The magical flow of life happens in between planning and spontaneity. Too much of one or the other throws us out of balance. When we are out of balance, we are more prone to confusion, anxiety, stress, creating more suffering for ourselves,  conflict, feeling deprived and/or tired, less generous or spacious, possibly experiencing more physical pain and illness.

Planning is a radical self-care strategy. Any stress and anxiety can and should be avoided!  And, planning ahead to anticipate needs you may have or situations you may find yourself in is a perfect way to avoid unnecessary distress.

How empowering, to plan for the care of your mind, body and spirit so you can show up your juicy, radiant self! 

What’s this planning look like?

Tune in to yourself and listen to what you desire, what would help you feel more cared for and give this too yourself.

It could be planning short breaks during a family visit for some solitude, for a short meditation, or time to exercise.  It could be planning on bringing some of your own favorite teas, supplements, foods or supplies that will help you to feel more nourished during your stay.  Maybe even a favorite pair of pajamas, a book that brings you solace and planning time to spend with the book.   Maybe schedule a massage during the trip, or make wake a bit earlier to do some yoga.

If you are spending the holidays alone, planning on fun things to do with other friends or volunteer someplace with others, stepping into that generous spirit.  Or, prepare a holiday ritual for yourself, appreciating the abundance of what you have in your life and offering yourself a gift of that love by celebrating you.  Create your own holiday tradition.  There is no one way the holidays have to look or go!

Now, take another deep breathe here.  Imagine the same scenario you recalled at the beginning of this article.  Imagine this same scenario, except this time you have planned self-care and planned for the events.  Now, how do you feel? What are your thoughts about yourself? 

With a little tender loving care, we can smooth out our experience and appreciate what is without creating more suffering!

_ As I sat down to write about self-care, I became anxious.  I was trying to get through a chunk of writing and work before heading out to see some clients.  This nervous feeling started to well within me, and I couldn’t think about what to write. There was nothing there! Has this ever happened to you? 

I realized what a perfect opportunity it was to stop what I was doing and practice exactly what I want to write about.  Asking myself what I could do to love and care for myself in that moment, I packed up my things, enjoyed the rest of my tea and went for a walk.  I got back into my body, went to my studio space and did some yoga before coaching sessions started. It was brilliant.  My state shifted and my coaching sessions were powerful and deep.  And, the exact magic I want to share with you!

The holidays are here, as is the end of the year.  This is a natural time for anxiety levels to rise around finances, family, reflecting on the end of the year, as well as the myriad of other things that the holidays can trigger in us. 

This is a powerful time to step into the practice of radical self-care as a way to avoid the effects of anxiety and stress, opening up a space for joyousness, compassion and the holiday spirit!  

Self-care is a dynamic process, one we must engage in every day, not only in attending to our basic needs like food, water and sleep, but in the small moments of time.  When you start to notice yourself feeling anxious, nervous or triggered, stop to ask yourself, “What can I do right now to care for my mind, body and/or spirit?”  or “What am I needing right now?”  Then, you empower yourself to care for yourself. And, in rejuvenating and attending to your needs, you have more to give, more space to forgive others, a feeling of abundance and generosity, creativity and inspiration. 

Some Radical Self-Care Ideas:

Mind.  Journaling each day, talking to a friend, some time alone to get re-grounded,  a breathing exercise, a relaxation exercise, listening to an uplifting song on your iPod for a few minutes, taking a mini-dance break to shift your mind out of negative thoughts or an anxious funk.

Body. Listen to your body and adjusting based on what your body is communicating to you, resting when you are tired, eating when your body needs food. Planning to eat well so you can feel free to indulge on the holidays, yoga, getting plenty of exercise, hot baths, a massage, or an extra acupuncture appointment this week.

Spirit. Spending 5 minutes in meditation at the beginning or end of the day, contemplation, connection with your spiritual practice, practicing saying loving affirmations to yourself, looking at something that reminds you of your higher vision, seeking inspiration and spiritual strength in a poem, writing, connecting with source of wisdom, or even laughter!

_ Does thinking about the holidays get you feeling anxious? Maybe it is family, or stress around money, or free-floating anxiety from all the messages from our culture about how we “should” be around the holidays. 

The thing about anxiety is that it once its triggered, its sets into motion a set of responses in our body, thoughts in our minds and feelings of fear and stress that feel difficult to shake off.   Hasn’t this happened to you?  I know it’s happened to me.  The “anxious place” creates a feeling of lack, depresses our immune functioning, makes situations feel more intense than they are and we end up feeling, well….like Scrooge.

Yes.  Anxiety can lead to what I call “Scrooge Syndrome” where we tighten up our hearts and become less than ideal versions of ourselves.  You feel less generous and more tense, and also more prone to headaches, back pain, shoulder tension and an overall aggravated mood.

So, how to avoid Scrooge Syndrome?

Anxiety happens when our bodies feel a signal of perceived danger or actual danger.  There are real times when there is real danger, but more often than not, it is perceived danger.  This can be in the form of a thought (or thought pattern), a feeling, a fantasy that something bad “may” happen, or even small tensions that we allow to build up in our bodies.  Our bodies go into alert. Fight. Flight. Freeze. The anxiety kicks in. So, what to do:

Radical Self-Care – Yes, this does mean to get enough sleep, drink enough water, and eat a balanced diet.  These are the basics.  Radical self-care means something very different. It means caring for yourself at the level of body, mind, emotion and spirit.  It means taking time each day to feed your spirit, your mind, your heart and your body.  Self-care is a dynamic process, where, in moments of your life where you may feel anxiety creeping in, ask yourself “What can I do to care for myself right now?”

Have a plan – Yes.  Plan for the upcoming visit with the family.  Or, plan how you will spend the holidays.  Plan for areas/issues that you anticipate will arise.  Use that energy that would normally go into anxiety to create a plan for caring yourself, taking space and self-care breaks, maybe a shorter visit or not staying with family. 

Most stress and drama can be avoided if you plan ahead.

Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself – Yes.  I call this the Attack of the Shoulds. There is nothing you “should” do over the holidays.  Avoid doing things out of obligation and instead, through self-care and planning, discover ways to enjoy the holidays and care for yourself. When you care for yourself and nourish your own mind, body and spirit, you naturally feel more spacious, generous and able to enjoy the holidays and have patience for everyone around you.

Overwhelm is…well, overwhelming!  Isn’t it?  When overwhelm sets in, it can be difficult to know what to do.  Overwhelm is also a time when a lot of our negative thought patterns can come up, which makes it worse.  It could be the inner critic saying, “Uh!  You are NEVER going to be able to do this!  You better just stop now before you FAIL,”  or you may go into flight mode and try to find someone else to tell you what to do, or,  you shut down, space out and end up not getting anything done. None of these options seems very inspiring!  So, what then?

1. Notice that you are overwhelmed. Just notice. Don’t do anything about it or fall into a story about it, just notice you are overwhelmed.   

2. Relax and nourish yourself.  Overhwelm can feel like danger to our bodies and our nervous systems. When we get overwhelmed, we go into “fight, flight or freeze” mode, which makes it near impossible to get anything done or feel excited about anything we are doing. When you refuel and nourish and relax, you have fuel and energy to focus on what you need to.

3. Prioritize. Write down what all you need to get done and make a list.  If you’re feeling overwhelmed about looking for a job, for example, then write all the steps you need to get there. 

4. One step at a time. Remember why you are going in the direction or working on the project you are working on.  And, take one step at a time.

5. Delegate.  If there are things that need to happen that you can delegate, do it.  It might seem like too much of an investment at first, or you may find it difficult to ask for help, but when you free up the energy of what you don’t need to do, there is so much more space for what CAN get done!

Stop.  Notice. Breath.  Self-care. Prioritize. Go one step at a time.  Delegate.

There is an ancient Chinese proverb, “Tension is who you think you are and relaxation is who you are.”  When overwhelm strikes, we get tense and forget who we are, what our vision is and that primitive part of our brains may think we are actually in danger!  If we are able to find a space of relaxation through a good routine of self-care and mindfulness of moments when we are slipping into an overwhelmed state,  overwhelm can become a friendly place from which to reassess, get clearer and move forward from a re-grounded perspective.

I had the amazing pleasure of spending time this weekend having my photos taken with an amazing photographer. It was supposed to rain over the weekend, but it ended up being so amazingly sunny and gorgeous out on Sunday.  I met Sarah up on Tank Hill in San Francisco and had a lot of fun playing!

Sarah is an amazing photographer who knows how to really make women feel at ease in front of the camera. She also knows how to make any woman look beautiful and love pictures of herself.  Afterall,  I think photos can tend to bring out those inner critics in all of us!!! So, if you are itching to celebrate yourself, get some new photos for a website, for online dating, for a wedding or just because you want to...I highly recommend her.  Here is the link to her blog and some more photos from this weekend belpw.

I'm excited about my upcoming workshops, so please check out my upcoming workshops and sign up. I look forward to being of service to you!

Spring is here as the sun shines brighter, the days are longer and the cherry blossoms bloom throughout the city and around the lake.  Spring is traditionally the time the closets get cleaned out, the seedlings get planted for spring and summer time gardens and the cobwebs get cleared from the corners of our rooms. In the same way, our spirits and hearts come out of the hibernation and reflection of the fall and winter months. The gardens of our hearts ask for tending, for weeding out of what blocks us from fully basking and moving forward in our lives.  Spring is an opportunity for renewal, for watering new seeds as we gather intentions for reviving and cleansing ourselves to enjoy longer days with more sunshine, warmth. Hafiz calls and beckons us to rise anew with clear, blossoming hearts.  

This is the time for us to embrace the constant change that fills our lives.  There is an abundance of opportunity during this season to get re-grounded in our practices, revisit our life vision and intention, to gain fresh perspective, to allow what doesn’t serve us to fall away and for growth, expansion and joy to fill our lives.

The days of Spring are here! the eglantine,
The rose, the tulip from the dust have risen--
And thou, why liest thou beneath the dust?
Like the full clouds of Spring, these eyes of mine
Shall scatter tears upon the grave thy prison,
Till thou too from the earth thine head shalt thrust.
- Hafiz

Everything is subject to change.  Change is the only constant we can rely on.  Yet, change is something that can bring up a lot of fear, tension, anger, hurt, clinging or denial. Change is also something that can be celebrated, welcomed, enjoyed, felt deeply and appreciated for the wisdom and gifts it may offer, in whatever packages those gifts arrive in.  While we may want to cling to the ground or security we feel when things stay the same, life can become stagnant without change and growth and evolution becomes more difficult. Change shows us that our emotions, circumstances, and experiences are part of the ebbing and flowing of the kaleidoscope of life. When we let go and surrender, we find greater freedom to ride the waves of emotions in our hearts and courage to swim through the ebbs of life as much as we ride the flows. 

Spring is arriving soon and with it flowers will blossom, sprouts will burst forth from the earth where they have been hibernating after the shedding of the fall and the cold of winter.  As we emerge from our own cocoons of winter, let us embrace the growth and change that the beauty of spring reminds us of when color peaks back at us from the earth.  Let it be a time, as Hafiz says, to change rooms in our minds and gain fresh perspective and allow change to make new space for growth and expansion in our lives.

Leave the familiar for a while.
Let your senses and bodies stretch out
Like a welcomed season
Onto the meadows and shores and hills.
Open up to the Roof.
Make a new water-mark on your excitement
And love.
Like a blooming night flower,
Bestow your vital fragrance of happiness
And giving
Upon our intimate assembly.
Change rooms in your mind for a day.
All the hemispheres in existence
Lie beside an equator
In your heart.
Greet Yourself
In your thousand other forms
As you mount the hidden tide and travel
Back home.
All the hemispheres in heaven
Are sitting around a fire
Chatting
While stitching themselves together
Into the Great Circle inside of
You.
- Hafiz

Through living a heart-centered life, we can discover deep wisdom to navigate through a complex world that offers us many messages about love, and what may be “good” or “bad” for us. If we enter into a sweet communication with our hearts, we will feel nourished through our heart’s depth, aligned with our heart’s integrity and develop discriminating wisdom about where to put our heart’s energy in the world.  This is where the greatest beauty, abundance, radiance and play resides in the world. Within our hearts. May we all, always listen to our hearts.  May this month of our cultural celebration of love bring us back into our hearts, back into connection with what our hearts need for healing within ourselves, as well as for others around us.

My heart.
Sit only with those who know and understand you.
Sit only under a tree that is full of blossoms.
In the bizarre full of herbs and potions, don’t wander aimlessly.
Find the potion that is most sweet.
If you don’t have a measure, people will rob you in no time.
You may take counterfeit coins thinking that they are real.
Don’t fill your bowl with every boiling pot you see.
Not every joke is humorous; so don’t search for meaning where there isn’t one.
Not every eye can see.
Not every sea is full of pearls.
My heart, sing the song of longing like a nightingale.
The sounds of your voice cast a spell on every stone, on every thorn.
First lay down your head and then, one by one, let go of all the distractions.
Embrace light and let that guide you beyond the tumult of desire.
Beyond the tumult of desire, you will find a spring
And nourished by its sea waters like a tree, you will bear fruit forever.
- Rumi